It's just coffee....

This is a guest post by Cissy Luke. She is my sister and the service producer at Shoreline Church in Austin, Texas.  Cissy loves spending time with her 4 grandchildren, son Derrek and his wife Ruth.  I’m pleased to let you know that you can check out Cissy’s writing (Just Coffee), right here, every month. 


I have had the privilege over the last few years to have robust dialogue with men and women about the complexities of relationships and dating. The statistics for singleness in the United States are staggering.

According to a recent CNN article:

  • There are 96 million people in the United States who have not spouse.
  • Forty-three percent of all Americas are over the age of 18 are single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
  • “Single” is defined as adults who have never been married, are divorced or are widowed in the bureau’s America’s Families and Living Arrangements survey of 2009.
  • Of the singletons, 61 percent of them have never said, “I do.”
  • Twenty-four percent are divorced and 15 percent are widowed.

You would think with this many people living a carefree single lifestyle, that they would know how to interact with the opposite sex without fear, mixed feelings and much misunderstanding.

What I have discovered is this is not the case. Often times we leave a well intended, friendly encounter and by the time we get in the car, bus, subway or whatever mode of transport we chose, we have planned a wedding, gotten married, and have made a home with 2.5 kids inside. We have called our girlfriends, family and co-workers to tell them of this sudden life change.

We are traveling around all happy and gay until we call someone like me. This person listens intently. They laugh when you laugh. They cry when you cry…or at least their eyes get moist. Okay, they were probably yawning. The point is, they hear how you’ve met the person who will change your life forever. You are so happy because this is the individual you were most worried about. If they are on your side and rejoicing with you then you must be on your way to marital bliss.

Then the inevitable happens – this friend, this family member, this girlfriend says

“I thought you met for coffee.” You reply “well yes, we had coffee.” She asks “how long did you talk?” And you sheepishly say “oh, about 30 minutes.” She then replies with something you’ve heard her say a million times: “Oh, it was just coffee.”

This statement brings us back to reality – We cancel the wedding plans, the house and stop looking at the book of the most popular baby names. We realize that although the conversation that took place two days ago was good. It was just coffee

Join me here every now & then as we chat about relationships – the good, the bad & the coffee.