Struggling with my faith
A post by my beautiful niece Courtney Luke. Courtney will be a student at UT this fall – you will be hearing from Courtney every month, so be on the look out for her.
This past year I have really been struggling with my faith. How much did God really care about me? How real was His presence every day? I would pray these prayers that I felt never went past my bedroom ceiling; feeling empty and angry and shameful. I doubted His love and work in my life.
Doubting God is dangerous business and I am very proud to say He humbled me and showered me with His abundant love. He put me in a situation I didn’t want to be in, knowing I would want out and I did. Last year, after dreaming of leaving the nightmares of high school, I was enrolled at my veryyyy last choice school and I was heartbroken. First world problems I know, but I really wanted to go to my dream college and I felt trapped as I had felt for years.
Of course I became more frustrated and angry until I saw He was giving me an opportunity. God was giving me an opportunity to test Him, and to trust Him. So I did. And let me tell you my God did not disappoint. I worked harder academically than I ever have in my life, I prayed more than I ever have in my life, and I trusted God more than I ever have in my life. I was not worried or panicked or frustrated I simply knew “God’s got this.”
This past year I have achieved several goals: a 3.8 GPA, passing two college math classes (That’s God for real) and a full ride to my dream school. Pressed down, shaken together and running over! I have never felt so blessed, humbled and loved by my God. Now, the only thing I struggle with is Calculus, but I know God is sending me a solution for that too.